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Forgetting to Remember God – 4

December 12, 2008

Continued from the previous post.

So there it is. The crammed family schedule was not the culprit here. I forgot about God – no, I avoided God – because I was panicky and needed to be in control of the mess I was in at work. Isn’t that ridiculous? But isn’t that so human, too? My nightmare scenario is so inferior to the alternative of having an omniscient loving God to trust. Especially when you take into account that this God who loves me has made a way in every situation over the past 40-plus years of my life. But I just didn’t have the spiritual presence of mind to stop, acknowledge God’s vast superiority to me and my little situation, and give it over to him.

I didn’t trust God.

Finally, the crazy family travel schedule settled down, and the next Sunday I found myself back in church again. The peace and comfort of the worship service — the liturgy, the readings, the music — they all served to calm and refocus my spirit. When it was time for all of us to read the Prayer of Confession, I joined in with the voices of the congregation, saying:

 “Seeds of doubt grow quickly in our hearts. Fear chokes off confidence and prevents us from receiving your Spirit. We multiply our sorrows by worshipping what we see and hear more than you, our delight and salvation. O God, in your great mercy, grant us the peace that passes understanding. Forgive us, and draw us close to you, that we may breathe deeply of your presence and find in you the fullness of joy.”

At that moment, as I read the prayer, I remembered God again. It was like God waved the smelling salts before my spiritual nose, and it all came back to me. I shook my head as the Spirit flooded over me. What have I been doing? God, how could I have just forgotten about you? I realized how self-centered I had been the past two weeks. God is so much bigger than my deal, so much more important than whatever the outcome is going to be. And He loves me.

Breathe in His love. Things will be all right.

I gave in again to God, utterly and completely, and trusted Him with my work.

Sometimes God is subtle, and a real gentlemen. He doesn’t go around saying “You idiot! I told you so! What were you thinking?!” We are intelligent creatures, and He allows us to figure it out on or own, even though He must get frustrated as hell watching us continuously banging our heads against the walls of ego and control that we put in front of Him day after day. But, eventually, we do learn, we grow, and we take another step closer to the Kingdom of Heaven.

As it turned out, Corporate had their meeting that next week and my deal was saved. Actually, it was one of the few to make the new, higher hurdle rate. I received a call yesterday from my contact, Dave, congratulating me.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 13, 2008 9:18 am

    I so relate to all you have written in this post. When I read of the “great” ones: Jonathan Edwards, Billy Graham, Bill Bright, Oswald Chambers, etc. they developed a system that kept them from fading away from that time with God corporately and personally. I am finding my way to have a set time I must be with God. I think I resisted this before because I was afraid it was religious ritual without heart. WEll, left to when I “feel” like it; I get into what you described here.

    Again I was most impressed with your writing. Congratualtions of your proposal making it!!!

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